The Very Thought Of You
by Jaffee Leeds
Summary: What is young love like in Valinor? Not a romance of angst and fear of dark forbodings. A Simlpe sweet love story. Nerdanel and Feanor Please R
1. An ornament for the hair

I was only 48 when Fëanor called to seek permission to court me. I was hurried off into my room when he came calling that day. It was certainly not seemly for a young elleth to be seen when the young elf made his plea. I sat in my room nervously waiting for my Atar to send for me. I knew my Atar would never give his consent without his assurance that I cared for Feanor.

I most certainly did care for Fëanor, as I grew to womanhood his was the only face I looked for in a gathering or party. I even made up reasons to walk passed his forge and even peek inside. Then the day finally came when he caught me watching.

He was working with moonlight and silver fashioning something that looked truly wonderful. It was curved and made with teeth like a comb but the edge was wide and flat and as I watched he made places for sapphires in the metal. I had unconsciously crept forward from my place on the path and he looked up.

"Nerdanel wait!" he called as he saw I would have gone. I waited and he beaconed me closer.

"Come and see what I made." he welcomed and clutching my basket of fruit tightly in my hand I did come closer. He offered his hand and gave me a seat on his high stool. Picking up the piece he perched next to me on another stool.

"Well, I have been working on the design of this pretty little thing for a while and now I need do is place the gems and polish it." He glanced at me and asked, "What do you think of it?"

"I think that it's lovely…but what is it?" I asked. He threw back his head and laughed the sound ringing through the forge. I felt embarrassed for not already knowing and he quickly stifled his laughter.

"I am sorry Nerdanel, I wasn't laughing at you. No indeed, I would never laugh at you." He toyed with the piece a moment his eyes looking away from me. We sat in silence a moment and then he said, "I meant it for an ornament for the hair. If you'll let me…?"

"Oh please!" I sat still as a stone as he gently loosened my hair until it fell around my shoulders. I felt his hands falter a bit, "Is something wrong Feanor?"

"No, I just never noticed how…beautiful your hair was. What a splendid color." his voice was thoughtful and when he touched my hair again it was slower, almost reverently. I felt…wonderful and nervous and afraid of the feelings that coursed through me.

I was speaking to and spending time with one who I admired over all others and I felt like I wanted to run around and shout out how happy I was. He gathered my hair over my right ear and using the metal ornament he worked it carefully into my hair. It felt curiously light in my hair and then he took his hands away and stepped back to get the full effect of it. He rested his chin on his fist and walked around and around me silently taking in the sight from all angles.

"D-doesn't it suit?" I finally asked. I looked up into his face and found that his was watching me with an expression of confusion on his handsome features.

His expression didn't change as he said, "It's perfect, it suits you wonderfully well. Would you like to see yourself?"

"Very much if you please." I said and he lead me to a large bronze mirror in the corner. He stood behind me as I saw the way the delicate comb rested in my hair holding it in a graceful wave.

"Oh, Feanor it's beautiful…you're right, the making is just perfect." I touched the silver carefully, it was smooth and curiously warm as if it burning with an inner fire.

"I think the wearer makes it more beautiful Nerdanel." he said quietly. "It's only metal." I sought his reflection in the mirror but he was already walking away. I was flattered at his words yet afraid that I had offended him somehow.

He sat on the sat and began to draw a picture of the comb, his black head bent over his work. I stood there uncertain of what to do, should I leave him to his work? Should I even bother him to say goodbye? Finally I pulled the comb from my hair and set it down on his worktable.

I kept looking back to see if he would notice that I had gone, but he didn't give any sign. I walked home alone and slightly disappointed. I should have been glad for I had spent time with him alone without another demanding his time or attention. I was listless and moody for the remainder of the day and when my Atar asked why I merely answered that nothing was wrong.

However, that evening as we finished dinner we had a caller in the shape of Finwe's pageboy.

"Yes? Have you a message for me?" my Atar asked. The boy shook his hair and answered, "No, my Lord, I have a package for Lady Nerdanel from Prince Feanor."

My heart leapt and my Atar's raised eyebrows and questioning look were lost on me as I received the soft bundle. The page left and I hurried to the living room and set the package on the table and looked at it for a moment afraid to open it and see what it contained.

My Atar came in behind me and said, "Well, Nerdanel aren't you curious as to what the great Prince might have sent a little girl like you?"

"I am not a little girl Atar, and I want to…"

"Savor the gift? I understand. I will not be wanted here, I can see that." he said in mock offense.

"Oh Father, you know that I always want you...but this is…well it is.."

"Quite different, I know. Call me if you want me." and he left.

Slowly ever so slowly I pulled the cords lose and the cloth fall away to show in shimmering glory two of the combs that he had made earlier! Tucked into the teeth of one was a thin note when I opened it ran,

_My Dear Nerdanel,_

_I am afraid that I was very remiss in my attentions to you this afternoon and ask that you will accept these combs as an apology for my behavior. I regret to say that I consumed the fruit that you left as well and wish to make it up to you as soon as may be. Could I possibly convince you to accompany me on a picnic tomorrow noon? If so, I await your word tomorrow morning. Please keep the combs, for once I saw them without your beautiful hair to rest in I thought their beauty diminished a great deal. Very sincerely_

_Your servant_

_Curufinwe_

I took up the combs and went to my room passing by my Father who merely smiled and said nothing. I fastened the ornaments in my hair as he had. I would accept them and his offer if Father was willing that I should. And then as I gazed at the gift I realized that I would accept even if he didn't.

_fhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfh_

Should I continue? If you like let me know. Aka Review!


	2. You are immensely distracting!

**Mirfein :**Your thoughts and mine agree entirely! I have NEVER come across a Feanor story that didn't make him completely crackers or like you said an OC monstrosity! But you must understand that Fëanor is very hard to write because of the fact that he is a hard character to portray properly. Keep reading!

**Ellfine : **Thank you for the compliment. I hope you like this chapter as well. Please Keep reading!

**Starofearendil :** I approach this story very carefully. I think I understand why there are so few Nerdanel Fëanor stories, they were two really complex people. I want to respect them both for the great elves that Tolkien made them. Please keep reading!

**AnnaMariah :** Tolkien wrote that elves usually married by the age of fifty r at least knew who they were going to marry. If they could marry at fifty I believe that they must have reached their majority sometime before that. Boy! You get around1 I see your reviews all over the place! But hey, I can always use more my sweet! Yes I am begging but you don't mind do you?

**Elfique :** Thanks very much, I love encouragement! Keep reading!

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Chapter 2

In the weeks following the picnic with Fëanor, which my Atar did approve, I heard nothing from him. Of course being a foolish and silly girl, (I was _only _46 at the time) I was sure he would come by in the next couple weeks to visit.

But he didn't, and I sulked around the house and my Atar's forge in quite a babyish way. I found all kinds of reason's to compare my home and life to the one I imagined myself living with Fëanor. I went to visit my friends and my family, but in my childishness I never took the road that passed by Fëanor's forge.

However, the time came when I was late going home and decided to return by the quickest route. This brought me passed Finwe's home. He could live in the grandest palace in all Valinor yet he chose a simple home that many considered beneath him. Now I didn't even notice that as I went by the forge of Fëanor.

I should have known he would notice me…

"Nerdanel! Wait!" He called. I stopped suddenly feeling rather tingly all over, but determined that I would show my displeasure at being neglected.

I can still see him as he came up with a glowing hot poker still in his hand and soot smudged all over his handsome face. His long hair was braided, rather sloppily, away from his face,

"Good Evening Prince, what can I do for you?" I greeted, in what I thought an aloof and icy tone.

"Silly girl, come here I have to show you something I made." He said, and seizing me by my arm pulling me unceremoniously into the blazing heat of his forge.

He shoved the hot poker into a bed of coals and kicked his tools around on the floor to make a path for me to walk through.

"Don't touch the walls or anything." he directed, "The whole place is covered in soot."

"Then where am I supposed to sit?" I asked. He looked thoughtful for a moment and said, "Yes, that does pose a bit of a problem doesn't it?"

He found one of the high stools but the seat was thickly coated in black residue, "No, that won't do." he muttered swiping at it with his hand. The pale fingers came away grimy and black, shrugging he rubbed it on his tunic and said, "You don't mind standing do you?"

I shrugged in turn and said, "It doesn't bother me." in what I thought a quite blasé manner. However he didn't seem to notice my attitude at all as he brought forth a big glowing…what was that?

"What do you think?" He asked. I could feel his eyes on me, waiting in anticipation. "I think that it's …well, it's very…uh…bright and big and…What _is it _Fëanor?"

"What do you mean? I should think it was obvious." Fëanor said disappointedly. "Just guess what it is." he encouraged.

"I can't. It just looks like a blob of hot metal." I said peevishly. " It has no shape or design to tell me what it is. How can you expect me to know!" Thinking at he was teasing me I stamped across the room toward the door as fast as the scattered chair, caldrons and tools would allow.

"Nerdanel, wait a minute where are you going?" He called again, I heard sounds of his dropped the glowing blob, and an exclamation of pain as he hit his foot on something on his way after me.

"Oh Valar! Wait!' he said, I started to giggle as he limped after me as I reached for the door. But just as I touched the handle the door swung shut and he had me cornered. I turned to find myself imprisoned between his arms on the either side of me. When he saw I was laughing his expression changed from one of triumph to one of disbelief.

"Oh, you think it's funny do you? You consider my physical pain something humorous?" he demanded.

"I think you're being really silly Fëanor. That thing was just…oh Valar you should have seen you face!" I dissolved laughing.

He looked down at me a moment and said, "I have never been laughed at before and I really can't say that I find it a wonderful experience."

"Poor sweet baby." I teased and ducked out from under his arm. I went up to the blob and poked it with my finger. It was soft and bent with my light pressure, the surface feel smooth and slick like melting ice.

"Now maybe you could just tell me what it is?" I asked turning to smile at him. He leant against the door his arms crossed over his chest allowing his hair to fall over his eyes. The simple action made him even more attractive in my eyes but his long silence made me bold to ignore him.

"I am creating a jewel new to our lands, something that has been in my thoughts for a over two hundred years. It would be used to see from one place to another depending on the will of the one who holds it." His eyes snapped at me through his bangs, "However, you seem to think it is unattractive in the extreme."

"I speak only the truth Fëanor; and I think you know that it could be made with more thought and skill." I said. I studied the blob again noting the size and shape. It had certain lines throughout the black substance telling of stress in the making of it.

He suddenly laughed and coming over lifted the blob in his hands, "Only _you _would think to say such a thing. Nerdanel have you ever had anyone chide you for lack of discretion?"

Choosing to ignore this question, I went on, "But you see do you not, that the light is far more harsh and gaudy to what it should be. You must start with a cool temperature and work up to greater heat. The light would become fuller, and richer then."

"Do you know of forging Nan?" he asked. I flushed at the nickname only my Atar used, but nodded and said, "I am not the daughter of a forger for nothing."

"Yes, I see." he answered thoughtfully, "You're not like the other elleths are you?"

"Yes, I am." I returned as I moved toward the door again. "I simply find my joy in other things then my companions do. I like to be treated _nicely_ and _kindly,_ but I can wield a mean hammer if need arises."

"I can see that. You're like a fiery red snap dragon from the garden. Once plucked you bloom back with even more strength." he touched my face with his fingers. My heart was pounding against my side so that I was sure all Valinor could hear it. Then he dropped his hand and bent to pick up the would-be-seeing-stone.

"Go home to you Atar, Nan. But…" he paused and cleared his throat, "Don't avoid my forge anymore, I have a feeling that I will need your blunt opinion again."

I stayed a moment with my hand on the door knob waiting, I know not what for. Sensing that I remained he turned and waved a pair of tongs at me,

"I said go home, and perhaps I will have a more suitable object for you to see come the morrow. Be gone with you! I find you are immensely distracting." he gestured toward the door again, and I skipped out into the suddenly too bright treelight.

I went home dancing all the way enjoying the title of being "Immensely Distracting."


	3. On occasion

**Elfique**I wanted to try and take a happier and more joyful view on their relationship. Usually they're all angst and doom, I think they had a sweet and loving courtship first. Please keep reading and reviewing!

**Alassë : **I used your name in one of my fic's, Exiled to be exact. Did you know that it means Joy in elvish? Well, it does. I know what you mean about bad up daters, sometimes I do fall in that category. I think the interest level is lower because there are no Silmarillion movies. Wouldn't it be great if there were? I would so want to be Elwing if there was.

**BanbieBunny : **Aren't you the one who never updates? Get busy girl! Your brother is always updating his stories. Fëanor says the combs are only for Nerdanel; but you can have the shapeless, useless blob from the last chapter. Think of it an original Fëanor! It might be worth something someday!

**Annamariah**I have no idea how to write the plural for the planantir or however that is spelled. But yes, that was the general idea. So often men don't notice our anger and if they don't it sometimes melts away, especially when your in love with someone1

**Chapter 3**

I did not spend all of my time walking near and around Fëanor's forge hoping that he would notice me. No, as a young elleth of position I had other demands on my time. Today I was to go and study the music of the harp with Yára, Lady of the House of the Fountain.

I had grown up with her children and the two girls, Erumára, Táriel and their brother Ecthelion, were like my own siblings. While I loved music I was never very gifted with the talent myself. Lady Yára was sure that if only I would commit myself to the understanding of music and "the soul of harmony" I would master the art.

I confess that I did not try very hard to do so.

"Nerdanel, you're so fortunate not have your parents making you practice music continually." Táriel sighed. I was lounging against a pillar of the fountain and listening as the two girls played.

I tossed a fig at her and said, "Come on Táriel, everyone knows that you enjoy the praises and admiration that you always reap from such talent."

"I do like praise," she replied grudgingly and bit the fig in half. "But it would be nice if I didn't have to practice."

"I'll never quite understand you sister," Erumára said, "I love music and I am sure that if I was half as proficient at the harp as you I would be playing all day and night."

"But it's not the same thing you know." I said, "You may want something very much and have little time for it; when you do it is treasured. However, if you had unlimited time for it, the charm fades somewhat."

"Temperance in all things!" Ecthelion said sagely. He was perched on the fountain edge working his way around the rim.

"Exactly, when I have plenty of time to do what I want, I find I don't want to do it anymore." I continued, "Or not nearly as much."

"Well, if I had heaps of time to myself I would be at the stables all day!" Ecthelion said. He snitched some of the figs and winked roguishly at me. I threw a pillow at him which he dodged as it sailed by his head.

Surprisingly it was caught by a tall black haired ellon behind him. Ecthelion leapt up and said, "Why Fingolfin what brings you here today? I thought your Atar was keeping you in the forge."

"He was going too, but I spilled some silver and gold together and he said he rather have me out of the way. So here I am! Hello girls," he nodded in their direction and his eyes rested on me.

"Why hello, Ecthelion what are you about? You haven't introduced me to this lovely girl yet." I blushed as this compliment, but it felt odd because while Fingolfin didn't know me, I knew him.

Everyone knew who the two younger sons of Finwe were; even now I could see the resemblance. All of the Finwe's children had black hair but the youngest, Farafin, who was my age was a pure blond like Indis his mother.

"Of coarse, "Ecthelion said, and said, "Nerdanel, this is Fingolfin, second son of King Finwe. Fingolfin, this is Nerdanel, daughter of Mahtan."

Fingolfin bowed and said, "I've heard good things about your Atar's work my Lady. But no one ever seemed to mention that he had a very beautiful daughter as well."

Ecthelion nudged his friend while I looked away feeling a hot blush of embarrassment creep up my cheeks. Táriel and Erumára were trying not to giggle.

"Thank you, I am pleased to meet Fëanor's brother." I said. Fingolfin's brow furrowed a bit and he asked confusedly, "You know Curufin? He never said so, but…" He smiled and clapped a hand on Ecthelion's back saying, "He never tells me anything in any case."

Fingolfin leant over to me and whispered, "At least now I have something on him eh?" and winked

"Come on Fin let's go on down to the stables. You're staying to dinner as well?" Ecthelion hinted hopefully.

"Why not? I have nothing else to do." Fingolfin answered and the two of them trooped off down the garden and away to the stables. A moment of silence reigned and we all burst out laughing.

Táriel set down her harp and danced me around the garden fountain singing, "Fingolfin favors you! Fingolfin favors you!"

I pulled away from her and said, "But you see I don't favor Fingolfin, at least not in that way. Oh, do stop being an idiot Tar."

Táriel collapsed beside me, and Erumára said, "But you know that it wouldn't be hard to fall in love with such a noble young man. However…" she eyed me said, "If the second son of Finwe not good enough for you.." She let the sentence dangle and I held my breath praying that she won't have guessed.

"…then she must have her eyes turned to the golden flower of Finwe's home." Táriel supplied, "And I would not blame you Nan."

I lifted my harp into my lap and slowly picked out a simple tune as I said, "Indeed no, I have been far too busy to even noticed Finarfin. Besides everyone knows that he loves Earwen."

"True, but still I think you would have made a lovely couple with your fiery hair and his golden tresses." Táriel sighed, and suddenly asked, "What do you think of Glorifindel?"

"I don't really know him Tar, I meet him at the Ball of course, but I didn't speak to him beyond introductions." I said, " What do you think of him, he visits your Father often enough."

Táriel's eyes grew dreamy and she said, "Oh, well, he's fine. He gave me a canary once."

"My dears, none of you will learn much if all you do is gossip." Lady Yára said. She came into the room like a sweet evening shadow. Her long black hair she wore braided like a coronet around her head, and her gentle manner was like a fresh breeze. She settled herself beside Erumára and we began our lesson in earnest.

Once the music of the four harps began I had no other wish then to listen for the rest of my life. The courtyard was still and the only accompaniment to our playing was the splash of water from the glistening Fountain. In the peace of the moment, my mind kept going back to Fëanor. I found that even if I wished to clear my thoughts of him I could not think of anyone else.

I wore my hair in the combs almost continually and had received many comments on their beauty. Every evening and every morn I would fix them in my hair, but they never looked as lovely as the day Fëanor had placed them himself. Oddly enough no one questioned me as to their origin, many assumed that my Atar had made them. If they wished to think so, I would not disillusion them.

The truth of the matter was that I was unsure of Fëanor. Love is not easily given among our people and many things must be considered before a pledge would ever be made. Marriage was for love alone and where there was no love no marriage took place. I knew that I loved Fëanor, but did he care for me?

Fëanor was well passed the marriage age normal among us, and he remained alone. And yet, Fingolfin was three time my age and still he was alone. Of the three sons of Finwe only Finarfin was wedding in the near future, we awaited the announcement of an engagement any year now.

"Nerdanel dear?" Yára's voice breaks through my thoughts.

"Yes? I am sorry." I said, I listen a moment and began playing again. She smiled at me and Táriel giggled, in what I cannot help but think, was a very childish way. Her Amme shot her look and Táriel subsided. The afternoon passed in a familiar fashion, it was often at times like this that I wished for real sisters of my own.

"Well, we return home and find the garden filled with the loveliest flowers in all of the blessed Realm!" a voice boomed. The young man had returned and they came in as the servants brought the supper things into the garden for the evening meal.

"Nerdanel, you will stay?" Lady Yára invited. Behind her Erumára nodded eagerly and Táriel looked pointedly in Fingolfin's direction. I knew that if I remained the evening would pass in matchmaking attempts and knowing that my heart was taken, it was something I had no taste for.

"Thank Lady Yára, but I think I must decline. My Atar expects me this evening, perhaps another time?"

"Of coarse, give your father my regards." she said and kissing me sent me on my way home. Leaving the courtyard, I carried my harp through the silent streets of the city. I was content to be alone, the solitude never bothered me.

"Lady Nerdanel, would you care for a companion?"

My heart sank, it was Fingolfin. "Why Prince Fingolfin I thought you would be staying?" I said. He shrugged and said, "I thought you should have an escort."

"I am sure that I will be fine thank you. Please I know 'Lon was hoping you would stay for dinner." I encouraged. Fingolfin glanced at me with his bright blue eyes, and said, "I get the distinct feeling that you are putting me off, is that right?"

"I am afraid so." I said, Fingolfin erupted with laughter that echoed over the high walled city.

"Fëanor did say I was over blunt." I apologized.

Fingolfin laughed again, and took my hand saying, "I am glad to have met you Nerdanel Mahtanian, come by the house someday and I'll introduce you to my mother. She'll like you I think. Good evening."

He kissed my hand and was gone running back up the street to Ecthelion's home. I liked Fingolfin, for someone so much older then I, he had a refreshing youth about him. I felt someone come up behind me and say,

"So Nan, what did you think of my brother?" Fëanor's calm voice spoke near my ear.

"He's quite charming, not at all like you." I said and then felt horrified at what I had just said. But Fëanor chuckled and took my hand loosely in his, "Come Nan, your Atar is worried about you."

"He sent you after me?" I asked amazed. I knew that Fëanor had been apprenticed to my Father at some time before my birth but they never spoke now. They were not enemies, just too busy to take the time.

"No, but I was coming this way for Fingolfin, and I offered to go." Fëanor replied. He smiled at me and said, "Nan…we are good friends are we not?"

"I hope so." I answered. I felt his hand tighten around mine and became conscious of how much larger his hand was compared to mine. He squeezed my hand gently and smiled again.

We walked on in silence, meeting no one . We left the city and through the fields of wheat and corn that rustled and whispered in the light breeze that swept off the sea. The soft sandy path crunched lightly as we passed on not speaking. I loved this little moment with Fëanor; I knew that if he never felt more for me then friendship I would always love him.

"Here we are Nan. Tell your Father that he is blessed with a quiet daughter." Fëanor said, "On occasion."

"Will you not come in?" I invited, but he shook his head, "I have work to do back at the forge. Give you Father my greetings though." Fëanor released my hand and walked slowly away. As I pushed the door open I thought I heard the words.

"_Sleep well, gentle Nan."_

I turned, but Fëanor was stilled walking away the wind tossing his onyx hair back from his face. I slept very well that night, very well indeed.


	4. Fanciful Feelings

**Elfique**Very well, for you I can stop the shorting of all names, but Nerdanel's. I think even there, the elves would have pet names. Thank you for your reviews because sometimes I have no idea whether I'm really getting somewhere or completely blind. Thanks!

**Jedi Master Paich : **I have done my greatest service if I have changed your mind about Fëanor. People always forget that he was the most loved elf in history, BEFORE the war of the Silmarils. However so little is written about that time that no one remembers it. And what Fan Fiction there is, is written in such a way that you hate him more then you ever did before! Keep reading and reviewing! And Kudos to getting an account!

**Dawn Felagrund**Crafty hair…sniggers into hand.) That's hilarious! Thanks for the help, I always need it. You're right of course. The names sound better in the whole form, however I think Fëanor night have had a pet name for Nerdanel. About the age thing, I think that anyone who had been what he had, (his father's remarriage) that he would be more thoughtful and careful about his own actions in that area. But, like you said, I can bend cannon a bit. Thanks again!

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**Chapter Four**

"_What is love?_

_Is love a fancy or a feeling?_

_Oh no, for it will grow in barren regions_

_Where no waters flow"_

**I** lowered the book and looked at Fëanor lying stretched out on the grass his eyes clouded in sleep. The long green grasses bowed and dipped in the wind that swept off the sea bringing a salty tang to the air. I closed the book and sat regarding Fëanor as he slept. I almost never had a chance to see him still.

If he was not forging, his head was bent over books, designing new things or drawing. Lately he was toying with the invention of a new alphabet. There really seemed nothing he could not do, unlike me.

Not that I am without talent, no one can shape and carve stone as I. And yet, beside the abilities of my dear Fëanor they seemed very childish indeed. However, these thoughts drift away as I watch my love sleeping, but I blush even to think of him that way. Nearly a year has gone by and never has he spoken any word beyond that of a friend.

He will not have me stay away from him long, yet he says nothing for the future. I cannot help but allow a sigh of escape my lips and even the small sound watches him. His dark eyes focus on me and he says, "What Nan? Are you tried of sitting here? Shall we go for a walk?"

"If you don't mind." I rejoin, he takes my hand as pulls me to my feet. I stumbled, perhaps on purpose, and he catches me close to him, perhaps on purpose. But while we share everything else Fëanor has been as respectful and careful of my honor as I could wish.

Although I must admit to the wish that he would kiss me. I know I should not hope for that since we are not even courting yet, but…

"You are lost in thought Nerdanel, what consumes your interest so to furrow your brow and make you bit your lips?" Fëanor teases. I smile up at him, his manner so familiar now, so easy.

"I was thinking of you and me." I answered truthfully.

"Oh? And what do you think of you and I?" he asked suddenly curious. I pulled my hand free from his and gather a few of the weedy flowers that grew along the shoreline. I mulled over my answer first, something that Fëanor was sweet about, he always gave me time to think.

"I am not sure what to think, you are a hard man to know Fëanor." I reply. I looked up and found his expression extremely amused.

"Do you consider yourself easily known?" he inquired. I shrugged, "I don't think so."

"Well, I will confess to you Nan, that I find you deeply…fascinating. I find that when other young women would be annoyed, you're amused. When others would lose patience, you are content. Yes, you are most different." he said slowly. The tenor of his voice almost fading as the last word left his lips.

A rare moment of awkwardness fell between us and I went on picking flowers as we walked. The mingling of the lights came as suddenly and swiftly as a breeze and for a moment we stood bathed in the silver gold light. As Laurelin faded, Telperion bloomed and grew, washing the world in crystal dew. I have always preferred the light of Telperion as it calmed and brought a quiet hush to all of the elves in Valinor.

I felt two warm hands laid carefully, almost fearfully over my own. They trembled slightly against mine and I raised my eyes to Fëanor's, questioning. "I…I have never seen.' he stopped and he touched my hair caressingly, "You are so beautiful Nerdanel."

"Fëanor" I whispered, we leaned closer and I closed my eyes hoping…

"Fëanor! Nerdanel?" The call jarred us and we pulled away Fëanor making a sound of annoyance deep in his throat, but he kept a firm hold on my hand. I turned to see Finarfin and Earwen running toward us huge smiles on their faces. For once in my life I sincerely wished them both at the bottom of the ocean.

Fëanor glanced at me as he answered his brother's call. "What is it Finarfin?"

"Brother!" Finarfin gasped, he looked at Earwen and they both laughed exchanging a quick kiss that irritated me. When you have just been deprived of that you long for, it is not an easy thing to see it done with so…careless an attitude.

'Brother, you will not guess what is to happen." Finarfin said pulling a blushing Earwen into his arms, "We are to be betrothed at the end of the week!"

"Congratulations to you both!" Fëanor smiled, he hugged his brother and kissed Earwen, welcoming her to the family. I felt strangely detached, as if I was watching others go through the motions and wishing all the time to get away. Yet I saw myself returning Earwen's happy embrace and shaking Finarfin's hand.

"Fëanor, I would be pleased if you would make the rings." Finarfin said. Fëanor's eyes lit in interest as he heard this.

"I would be honored to do so Finarfin, thank you." Fëanor returned. He immediately drove into a discussion of designs and meanings they wished to have. Once in the grip of an idea he was nearly impossible to communicate with. I took my flowers and went back to fetch my book.

To my horror I found myself crying frustrated tears. I felt like an elfling who was refused her own way. But I could not help it, I wished to have Fëanor's attention. I picked up the dainty blue volume and the page opened to the poem I had been reading.

_Is love a fancy or a feeling?_

As I looked back over the fields to where Fëanor was now drawing a sketch on his notebook the light of Telperion shimmering on his black hair. I felt ashamed. I loved him, even if I never knew his kiss I would love him.

I could not help myself.

I waited for him for over two hours as he and the happy couple finished the discussion of rings. I read and re-read my favorite poems and made chains out of the flowers I had gathered. By the time Fëanor came for me, I knew that I should hurry home.

"Nan, you have to see the way I am…" He trailed off as I walked by him. I picked up my pace and reached the road before he did. I was trying to be patient, trying to be all that he had praised me for being, but it wasn't working. He ran up to me and stopped me flat.

"Nan, I am so sorry. Please forgive me, I was being foolish." His voice was gentle and kind. To my horror I burst out crying more and he enveloped me in his arms. I cried out my tears on his strong shoulder as he murmured sweet things in my ear.

"I am sorry Fëanor, but I cannot help it." I finally said wiping my face on my handkerchief.

"And you shouldn't have too. Nan, I am sorry for leaving you like that, it's my worst fault." He kissed my hands and tucked one under his arm as we turned toward my home. "I had forgotten that you like to be treated kindly and nicely. You mustn't allow me to tread all over you like that."

"I hated to disturb you, you were so wrapped up in you discussion with.." He laid a finger on my lips to stay my words.

"Nothing, nothing is more important to me then your friendship Nan. Please do not hesitate to speak up, in fact I will insist that you do so."

"And how will that look? Nerdanel daughter of Mahtan reproving the Prince Fëanor?" I laughed a little. He smiled again saying, "It would not be much different then Mahtan the forger reproving his apprentice Fëanor for being too proud."

"Were you?" I asked.

"Perhaps you should say am I still? The answer would be yes. I am insatiably proud and arrogant." Fëanor said. We stood once more before my door and a few servants smiled a greeting. Flowers were being planted and a new fountain placed, Fëanor still held my hand.

"Tell me Nan, why is it that we always end our walks at your door?" He asked amiably.

"Because I know no other home." I answered carefully. He leaned close and said, "That may not always be the case Nerdanel."

He kissed my hand and began to walk away and then, as if he remembered something he turned back to me. Cupping my face he kissed me, soundly and thoroughly in front of the all the servants! I wrapped my arms around his neck and gloried in the moment.

When air became important, I whispered, "Fëanor, you kissed me."

"Aye, I did." He whispered back, he leant his forehead against mine and continued," It was dreadful wasn't it?"

"You'll have to marry me now, you know." I answered. Then I slipped out of his arms and into the house with a whole new world opening before me.


	5. All Of My Life

**Author's Note: **I normally respond to each reviewer, but because of the rules I have to stop.

But I will say massive thanks to all of you who have reviewed! I am always need the help and encouragement that you give. Please keep it up, I welcome it always, even if it is saying, "You made a mistake here!"

Thanks to my Beta Reader, the wonderful BanbieBunny, and for the thoughtful, and careful encouragement of Hawk Master.

_Love Always,_

_The Mysterious_

_Jaffee Leeds _

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**Chapter Five **

**All My Life**

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The breeze blew off the sea like a benediction flowing against the robes of Finwe as he joined his son's hand with Earwen's. His hair was braided formally, and a low crown graced his noble brow. I felt admiration and love for him swell in my heart.

It was difficult not to love our King, he was so noble and kind. I was honored to be here. I stood with the family for the ceremony. Beside Finwe Indis and her brother Ingwe stood tall and golden like benevolent angels. Fëanor and Fingolfin stood on Finwe's left, their dark headed bowed slightly in reverence to their Father.

"Thus are two pledged to become one. May no one say any word against this holy union." Finwe's voice intoned with solemn joy. "Who is witness to this Holy act?"

"I am witness!" Ingwe said. He strode forward and placed a hand on Finarfin's shoulder. "And I am witness!" Fingolfin said, following his uncle's example.

Finarfin nodded at his uncle and brother, Indis wiped away a tear.

Finarfin beamed proudly at Earwen, and placed a silver band on her first right finger and gently kissed the palm. She returned the gesture, tears glistening at the corners of her eyes. As they turned to the elves gathered, a shout went up. I threw my little knot of violets as a shower of betrothal flowers rained on the happy couple.

Now only one year would keep them apart and that was easily passed. Dancing and singing broke out Laurelin peaked at that moment bathing the couple in a rainbow of golden light. I sighed, it was a lovely sight.

"But my Nan loves Telperion, does she not?" Fëanor whispered, close to my ear. I felt his hand beside mine and I entwined our fingers out of sight of those around us.

"I love Telperion, yes. But there is one fire I love more even then the sacred tree." I returned. A whispered laugh tickled my ear and he pulled me around to face him. I stood under his gaze, basking in the love I saw there.

He touched a braid and said, "You still wear those combs? I made them a few years ago I believe. I could remake them much better then they are now."

"I would not have them changed." I answered, "I would have them just as you gave them to me. They were your first gift to me."

He smiled slightly and said, "I'm glad you look them so much, I like to see them in your hair." He tweaked a braid again and said, "That fiery red tint."

"Fëanor! Nerdanel! What a joyous day this is!" Finwe clapped a hand on each of our shoulders and beamed happily. "I must compliment you on some very fine rings my son." Finwe added.

Fëanor's eyes sparkled and he stood a little taller at this praise from his father. "Thank you, I wanted them to be special."

"Yes," Finwe leaned forward and whispered, "And I saw that little inscription on the inner side too."

Fëanor blushed and looked away. I glanced at Finwe and he winked saying, "He wrote, _"I love Earwen as much as my hair!" _Inside the band no less!"

I choked in an effort not to burst out laughing. Everyone turned to look at us as I spluttered and snorted to hold back my laughter. Fëanor red to the roots of his hair took my hand and dragged me toward the gate of the garden.

"Be back in time for the meal!" Finwe called after us. Then I blushed too, I hope that the other elves didn't get the wrong idea about us running away.

We ran along the quiet streets and passed Ecthelion's Fountain and into the lush green groves around the city. We paused to catch our breathes never releasing each other's hands.

"I like it here, it's so peaceful." I said. Fëanor nodded, "I come here when I need to think and when I visit my …. my…"

"Don't worry, I understand." I said squeezing his hand a little. He smiled as the moment of pain passed. I looked toward the art of the garden reserved for Finwe's first wife.

"Fëanor, will you take me to see her?" I asked. A light leapt into his eyes and he caught both of my hands in his.

"Would you like to see her?" he asked with the eagerness of a child. "Would you really like to see her? She is beautiful."

"Yes, I would. Will you take me?" I smiled feeling slightly giddy, I was seeing a side of Fëanor I had never encountered before.

"Gladly." He took my hands in a firmer grip and became leading toward Nienna's veil. I looked up into his handsome face seeming suddenly childlike, a young side of Fëanor. He was always the silent and sober prince of elves, never easy in manner. He was giving me something special, better then combs or kisses.

He was showing me all his weakness, and his vulnerability. He was giving me the ability to hurt him.

At that moment of understanding, I loved him better then I ever thought to love a man. But I would not cry now as my tears threatened, I would see her, who had given me what I loved best in the world.

The garden was peaceful and serene with gentle singing. Nienna was sitting amid a pool of pale violets and her tears glistened as they fell. As we came forward I felt a thrill of fear in my heart, I was afraid that I was not strong enough to see the face of death

"Curufinwe! Nerdanel. What pleasure is this? I had not looked for any company on such a joyous day." She regarded us kindly, "Why have you come?"

"Nienna, I come to see my Father's wife and my mother. I have brought Nerdanel, for I love her. And she wishes to see Miriel as well." Fëanor said, his shoulders straightened as he spoke those words, those wonderful words.

"_I have brought Nerdanel, for I love her." _

Nienna smiled at me through her tears and rising like a gentle mist her beckoned us to follow, "Then come children and see, She who sleeps."

It seemed as though the branches of the trees had grown together and formed a sheltering roof over Miriel's final resting place. The massive trunks of the trees, and low growing plants formed the encircling walls. Yet, soft and silent, the grass that made a lush carpet.

A raised bed stood in the middle of the grove. It was hung about with curtains of gossamer thread woven so thin it seemed that it couldn't exist, but the flicker of light shimmered and twinkled off them. Steeping before us, Nienna pulled them away like so much moonlight.

And I saw her.

Lying with her hands folded on her waist she was but a maiden. She was no older then I am now when she had faded, and her beauty was there still. Sadness sat upon her clear brow and a weariness I had never seen before clothed her figure with regret. Her raven hair pooled around her shoulders, long and uncut for thousands of years. She was beautiful.

We knelt beside her and Fëanor touched one cool hand with his own. "Amme." He whispered, 'Amme, see I have brought you my love. You are the first to know."

He looked to me tears glistening bright and clear in his dark eyes. "I wish she could have seen you, how beautiful you are."

I did not realize I was crying till the drops fell onto my hands as I held his. What pain her fading must have caused. A feeling of loss I had never known filled me and I struggled with it as I memorized her face and figure. Her youth, though hidden with a veil of sorrow, was plainly seen. She might have been a young girl sleeping ready to raise at any moment.

Her delicate mouth was one that was ever smiling and even now with no expression I could see it. Once the beloved one of Finwe, too weary to rise from her bed, leaving a son and a chilling word.

_For this and all that may come after…_

Yet she was not always filled with grief. I touched her hand and felt the chill of death. Nienna said, "You must go now Curufinwe. Your Father seeks you, and it would not be well for him to come here."

"Must I go? Must I leave her so soon?" He asked, his hands tightening around mine.

"Come Fëanor, we must not forget his sorrows here as well." I said. He nodded and kissed her cheek gently. We stood and Nienna let fall the curtain, "I will sing for her tonight Curufinwe, she will never truly be alone."

"Thank you Nienna." Fëanor said. Reluctantly we turned away and left the sleeping body of Miriel. Across the garden Finwe's voice as well as Fingolfin's could be heard calling us.

"We'd better hurry, no doubt they have delayed everything for us." he said, and the cool controlled face of the Prince returned. I stopped him, "Fëanor?"

"Yes, Nan?"

"Let kiss me you." I said. He looked surprised, and then he read my heart through my eyes. All the words I could not speak, he saw there. I reached up and touched his lean and chiseled features, I brushed away the few stray hairs and slowly, slowly laid my lips on his.

First he held back, but gently he relaxed into me and his arms slipped around me, holding me deliciously close to him. The breeze reached us and wrapped around us like a warm caress.

'Oh Nan." he whispered, his voice husky and shaken, "Nan…"

"Fëanor, thank you for bringing me so close to your fea."

"Nan, I cannot say what lies in my heart. But you have shown me such a love today that I had thought never to share with any." He kissed my cheek and temple and buried his face in my hair. "Take me love, one day…soon, share my life. Marry me Nan."

To my shame, I began to weep quietly. I was overwhelmed with his love. All my dreams were nothing compared with this wonderful reality.

"Why Nan? Do you not love me?" He searched my eyes again trouble creasing his brow.

"Fëanor, I have loved you all my life." I breathed.

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And when Finwe and Fingolfin came into the garden fully, they saw them. Fëanor and Nerdanel surrounded by the perfect life of Valinor exchanging declarations of love.

"Oh! Atar, I can't believe it!" Fingolfin spluttered as his father quickly dragged him away.

"What? Have you been blind all this time? Anyone could see that they were in love." Finwe said, a huge grin spread across his face.

"No, it's not that!" Fingolfin said. His blue eyes wide and annoyed looking.

"Then what is it?" Finwe asked.

"I'll be the last son married!"


End file.
